Gaslighting Exposed: The Secret Tactics Used to Control and Confuse You
Learn how gaslighting quietly warps your reality — and how to fight back before it takes hold.
Ever walked away from a conversation convinced you’re losing your marbles, only to realize someone else is just playing marbles with your sanity?
You know the feeling — you’re sure you remember the details. Yet somehow, after five minutes with this person, you’re questioning everything from your memory to your choice in breakfast cereal.
Congratulations! You’ve just met gaslighting.
Today we’re pulling back the curtain on this subtle art of confusion. You’ll learn what gaslighting really is, how manipulators wield it like emotional ninjas, and, most importantly, how you can spot it before your brain resembles scrambled eggs.
Let’s dive in.
Firstly, what even is gaslighting?
“Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where a person causes someone to question their perception, memory, or sanity.”
Now I’m sure you’ve heard the word before, maybe thrown around by a friend or sibling — but do you actually know what’s entailed?
Well, you’re about to find out.
The Origins
“ugh history, boring.” I know, I know — history may be boring for some of you, but this is my article, so just deal with it. You need a full understanding anyway.
Put briefly, the term ‘Gaslighting’ first flickered into public consciousness in 1944. It came from an American adaptation of a British play called Gaslight (obviously), written by a playwright named Patrick Hamilton.
Okay, even I’m getting a bit bored now, so — moving on to the plot!
In this classic psychological thriller, Paula returns to her late aunt’s house with her husband, Gregory, following her aunt’s mysterious murder. Gregory — a manipulator with Dr. House-level cunning — slowly chips away at Paula’s sanity by hiding objects and accusing her of losing them, isolating her from the outside world, and repeatedly suggesting she’s forgetful and overly emotional.
His most infamous trick involves subtly dimming the gas lights in their home and denying any change when Paula notices, making her question her own perceptions (giving rise to the term gaslighting).
His sinister aim? Undermine Paula’s mental stability to gain complete control and secretly search for valuable jewels hidden within the house.
Why did it stick?
The manipulation in the film is so personal, calculated, and emotional that pop culture and psychologists latched onto the term.
Over time, gaslighting became shorthand for any situation where someone is manipulated into doubting their own reality.
Since then, it has gone mainstream — used for everything from romantic manipulation to corporate lies to even political hoaxes.
The Psychology Behind It
Why does it work?
- Humans rely on memory, experiences, and perception to feel stable.
- Since we are very social creatures, we often doubt ourselves before doubting others (most of us, anyway).
Both of these things mix together to produce a type of cognitive dissonance — a term used to describe the discomfort felt when facts don’t align with what we believe, or what we’ve been told.
Naturally, as humans, our brains don’t like to feel “weird.” They want to feel comfortable, so they tend to overcompensate and jump to conclusions. Whether it’s:
“No, I am definitely right”
or
“Maybe I’m wrong here.”
The ‘maybe’ part, however, can be misleading — because as soon as you start to doubt yourself, you’ve already lost.
The whole purpose of gaslighting is to make you doubt yourself.
And over time, that helpless gnawing feeling that is doubt continues to grow — until you stop trusting your own thoughts.
There are many different tactics used by gaslighters:
- Denial: “That didn’t happen.” / “Why would I do something like that?”
- Minimising: “Stop overreacting.” / “It’s not as bad as you’re making it out to be.”
- Deflection: “You’re just being sensitive.” / “Name one time that happened.”
Signs that you’re being gaslit:
- Constantly second-guessing your thoughts, memory, and feelings
- Feeling insecure, ‘too sensitive’, or like you’re going crazy
- Apologising too much
- Struggling to make decisions
- Feeling confused or disoriented after conversations
- A gut instinct that something is wrong, but you can’t quite put your finger on it
If you’re experiencing two or more of these, then you’re probably being gaslit.
But remember — sometimes the person gaslighting you might not even know that they are.
If they’ve grown up with parents or friends that are gaslighters, then it could already be part of their subconscious.
It might be how they’ve been taught to convince someone of something, or it could just be a habit.
That doesn’t make it okay.
It doesn’t matter why someone is doing something if it’s causing you harm.
Try to talk to them about it first — see if they want to try and better themselves before retaliating or cutting them off.
If they deny it or don’t care, then there’s nothing you can do.
Your first priority should be protecting your own sanity.
Why does it work so well? And why is it so dangerous?
More often than not, it starts off small — too subtle to even notice.
So when it progresses, you’re already used to it, and you don’t think much of it.
Over time, your trust starts to erode — your trust in yourself.
You start trusting your abuser’s thoughts and views more than your own mind, essentially making you a zombie — a ‘minion’.
You lose your originality.
You lose your spark.
And as one of my all-time favourite people, Robin Williams, put it in “Come Inside My Mind”:
“Cause you’re only given a little spark of madness, and if you lose that, you’re nothing.”
That spark of personality and madness makes you who you are.
Don’t let anyone put it out.
The long-term damage of this kind of manipulation is much worse than even I expected before doing my research.
- Initially, it can make you feel anxious — constantly wondering whether something happened or if your thoughts are correct.
- Eventually, constant anxiety over long periods leads to depression. Your brain gets tired of always feeling anxious and experiencing complex emotions for too long, and it just gives up. To save itself from constant discomfort, it “turns off” your emotions — causing you to not feel anything. That’s depression.
- Long-term exposure can also cause emotional dependence. After long periods of constantly looking toward someone else to validate your thoughts and feelings, you can become dependent on theirs — feeling whatever they’re feeling, even if the cause has nothing to do with you. This type of dependence can be even more dangerous for empathic people.
PTSD
PTSD, or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, happens when your brain stays stuck in survival mode even after the danger is gone.
Normally, after something stressful happens, your brain processes it, learns from it, and moves on.
But with PTSD, the brain gets trapped — it keeps reacting like the bad thing is still happening, even when you’re safe.
You might relive memories, get easily triggered, feel constantly anxious, or struggle to trust yourself or other people.
When it comes to gaslighting, PTSD can show up because gaslighting isn’t just someone lying to you once — it’s a slow, repeated attack on your reality.
Over time, you start doubting your thoughts, your emotions, even your senses.
That constant mental battle can seriously mess with your brain’s ability to feel safe.
It leaves you hyper-alert, jumpy, distrustful, and stuck replaying moments you can’t fully make sense of.
In short:
Gaslighting can leave emotional scars so deep that your brain gets stuck in fear, confusion, and mistrust — even long after the manipulator is gone.
How can you break the cycle?
- Awareness: The first thing that needs to happen is recognising what it looks like, and what it’s doing to you (you’re welcome).
- Journaling: Try to keep a record of events — even if it’s just bullet points or a short description. Having something to refer back to if you start doubting yourself again is a good backup.
- Therapy: If you feel it has affected you deeply — or just validation and support from an outside party you trust — it can be seriously powerful.
- Boundaries: Start setting boundaries, either in real life or mentally. A set of personal rules you follow can help keep you centred.
- Distance: Only in extreme cases. If it’s affecting your life and mental health, and you’ve tried talking to them with no success, then consider distancing yourself or completely removing yourself from the unhealthy relationship.
Final Thoughts
If there’s one thing you should remember, it’s this:
Your mind is not a democracy.
You don’t have to take a vote every time someone questions you.
Gaslighting only works if you hand over the keys to your reality — and you don’t owe anyone that kind of access.
Protect your mind. Trust your gut. Guard your spark like it’s the last fire on Earth.
And if someone keeps trying to snuff it out, light your own path and leave them standing in the dark.
Stay sharp, stay a little mad.
If they can’t handle your mind, they were never meant to be near it.
— “The drip never stops.”
If you want to check out our other preview article: “Dexter vs Joe Goldberg: The Brutal Truth About TV’s Most Chilling Killers”
Amazing
Perfect blend of lightheartedness, information, humour, science and personal views. Great first post I can tell you really did your research. Can’t wait to see what comes next!